Two years ago the King’s Speech won 4 awards, including Best Picture and Best Director, at the 2011 Oscars. Inspired by its success I wrote my own version of one man’s battle against his speech impediment and pitched it to Paramount.
‘Woland’ Story Outline
Roland can’t pronounce his ‘R’s and is a Professor of Robotics at Rotherham University. His dream is to enter Robot Wars, but he is constantly undermined and mocked by his academic peers because he calls robots, “Wobots”. However, Roland perseveres and builds a ‘wobot’ anyway. After hours of work, he turns it on and…it is amazing! When his fellow professors see it they get really jealous as they know it is totally going to destroy Sir Killalot. They can’t believe that Roland, who can’t pronounce his ‘R’s could have made such an awesome machine. One of them even says, “How can a man who can’t say robots be so good at them?” Another brainiac concurs, “He is awesome at doing robots.” So they destroy it.
When Roland arrives the next morning he is devastated to find his creation in pieces. Robot Wars is only a day away and there is no way he can build a new ‘wobot’. His assistant ‘Waymond’, is equally distraught, but tries to comfort Roland with kind words. “If only I was a robot I would enter for you,” he says.
At that very moment a washing machine is delivered to the laboratory and upon seeing the massive box it comes in, Roland has a brain wave. He begins to cover a series of boxes in tin foil and slots them over a naked Raymond. The large washing machine box makes up the body, two poster tubes for arms, lamp boxes for legs and tissue boxes for feet. Finally he slots the last piece of the costume over Raymond’s head; an ‘old school’ computer monitor box, with holes cut out for the eyes. He stands back and admires his new ‘wobot’. “What an amazing wobot!” He exclaims. Raymond then moves around and bumps into things for about five minutes, which is very, very funny.
The day of Robot Wars arrives, or as Roland calls it, “Wobot Wars”, which still gets a laugh, and Raymond is matched up against Sir Killalot. The bout starts off very well, with Raymond flouncing around the arena and screaming as Sir Killalot tries to chop him up with an axe. Things then take a turn for the worse when Sir Killalot’s axe catches Raymond on the foot, cutting off all of his toes. Blood goes everywhere and Raymond collapses. Sir Killalot moves in for the kill and chops Raymond’s head off. Roland looks sad.
Needless to say Paramount didn’t ‘option’ the script…probably more of a Tristar picture.